My “friend” is so nice that he just provided me a service

Wacky run-in with the local police I just had. If I learned anything from this experience it’s that trying to text the entire Cop Block team at once is really hard to do.

In all seriousness though, after working all night last night then running around all day, I decided that after finally getting back into town, and being as tired as I was, I would run to the Post Office real quick and mail back my Netflix movies before going to bed.

While driving down one of the main roads my concentration wasn’t at it’s peak due to my exhaustion. I blew right through a stop sign I’ve stopped at a million times and didn’t realize what I was doing.

A few blocks later I realize a cop is behind me with his lights on, I do the usual thing and pull over to let him go by me, except he stops behind me. At this time I am completely unaware of what I did and mumble to myself “What’s this guy want? I wasn’t doing anything.”

I roll my window down as far as I can (it’s off track, I shouldn’t be rolling it down in the first place) and look right at the officer as he explains to me that I ran a stop sign. Had I had one of a certain few other officers my truthful explanation would have gotten me off scott free, of this I am certain.

I explain to this man who is clearly dressed in his Halloween costume way too early, “I did? I seriously didn’t see one, I must have not been paying attention”

Certain cops I know in this town would have just given me a warning.

This guy asks for my license which I gave him then asks for my registration, which I dig out and handed over. I just want to get back home and sleep. He looks at my registration and says “You know your plate is expired?”

I knew it was expired. I let it expire so as to not give the state any money. I played it dumb, I scratched the back of my head and said “It is?”

“Yes, it is. September 7th”

“Oh, I didn’t know, I hadn’t checked”

Then comes the kicker: “Well, legally I’m supposed to have your car towed. Let me see what I can do.”

He walks back to his cruiser to do his thing. He is obviously playing the game we’ve all seen cops play. They tell you the worst that they can do, then say they’ll try and do what they can to not have to do that.

At this point I’m texting every activist and Cop Block contributor whose # is in my phone to let them know what is going on should my car be towed or I get arrested. I’m also pissed that I don’t have a camera on me.

I was going to use the sound recording technology on my phone to record our conversation had he not walked up to my window again right as I hit send. Here is where he decided to act like he’s doing me a favor and he’s being this super nice guy instead of an armed agent of the government harassing a peaceful person who just wants to get back home and sleep.

Here is your license and registration back. I’m giving you a citation for running the stop sign back there. It’s $50. You have until mid December. No points were put on your license and this won’t go on your insurance.  I’m not gonna have your car towed for the expired plate, but you can’t have this car on the road.

You’re gonna go back home and I’ll follow you. Just turn around at the intersection and I’ll follow you back home and make sure this car gets parked. It can’t be driven again until you get the plate renewed.

Topping it all off, as I pull into the parking lot across the street from my house to turn around and park the “legal” way (I didn’t want to give him any more ammunition), he drives past my house, stops at the stop sign and waves to me like we just had a friendly chat and he’s saying bye.

It really amazes me the nerve these people have. Harass me and threaten me like this then try and act like you’re doing me a favor, then waving like you’re my buddy. You’re not my buddy man, you’re just an armed fundraiser for the city.

Tell ya what, “buddy.” I’ll make sure to wave hello to ya when we see each other again on December 16th at 9:00 am, because I’m not paying this ticket. I’m not giving any money to the city so they can use it to bust peaceful drug users like you guys like to do so much.

Time to study up on the Marc Stevens approach to getting out of tickets. I wonder if I’ll get the Ian Freeman treatment if asked to rise and I remain seated.

“This is case xxx-xxx, City of _________ vs Brett Perry”

“Who do you represent sir?

“I represent the City of ________”

“Well doesn’t that present a conflict of interest?”

It’ll go something like that. Stay tuned for an update on the afternoon of December 16.

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