Whiny Entitled Pig Sues Starbucks Over Free Cup of Coffee

Officer Safety CupThis story comes to us from Raleigh, North Carolina, where a police officer is suing Starbucks after he spilled the free cup of coffee they gave him on himself. Lieutenant Matthew Kohr claims that the coffee that he was freely given, out of what now appears to be obviously misguided kindness, did not have a secure lid when it was handed to him. As a result of this maddening contraption, Lt. Kohr dumped the scalding contents onto his own person, and claims to have suffered stress and further medical issues since the incident.

That's a damn fine cup of lawsuit!
That’s a damn fine cup of lawsuit!

The lawsuit initially included the maker of the cup, but as jury selection begins, Starbucks remains as the sole defendant. Kohr’s wife, apparently a fellow greedy little fuck-monkey, joins the officer as plaintiff in the suit for ‘intimate loss of her partner’. One grotesque illustration of the backfiring of kindness and copsucking, and several limp dicks later, Starbucks is about to learn what the people who can’t afford to drink their coffee already know – never trust the police.

How is somebody who cannot be responsible for holding a cup of joe and making sure he doesn’t go full-toddler on it allowed to roam our streets with a badge and a gun? If you do not have the basic dexterity and sense of precaution needed to hold a simple coffee cup without prematurely squeezing it and causing its contents to do harm, who the hell is putting you anywhere near a trigger? Even if we were to excuse his bumbling clumsiness as acceptable, what kind of litigious court-clogging clown sues over a product they were freely given?

banner420The state’s servants of the the citizens, police especially, have developed this incredibly entitled attitude. They have become akin to angry, stompy toddlers whose demands, dictates and desires can never fully be satisfied. Their insistence on having their expectations fulfilled at every level of social activity and discourse reveals a group of adults who cling to some delusional ideology that they are better and more deserving than the average human being. The level of childish fantasy and personal delusion illustrated here and by numerous other examples of LEO entitlement are unmatched outside of Congress and Hollywood. The big, strong, brave cops who are supposed to protect us are often nothing more than frightened, greedy little children who don’t seem to care about protecting or serving anyone but themselves.

At the same time, come on Starbucks. Coffee is black. Did you really think a cop would know how to handle it calmly and rationally?

Alia Atreides

Hi, my name is Trevor. Thanks for reading!