Obama: ‘Police Officers’ to be Rechristened ‘Police Heroes’

President Obama announced on Friday that he will issue an Executive Order to legally change the title “police officer” to “Police Hero.” Obama did not mince words as he addressed those at a Washington D.C. memorial held for police killed in the line of duty.

“We hold them up as heroes, because that’s what they are.” (00:33 below)

Once signed, the Executive Order will take effect nationwide. Obama pledged $25 million to be distributed via grants to police departments to offset the costs of new desk placards, name badges, and business cards.

In a speech that was met with applause from those present, Obama stated:

“We can offer you the support you need to be safe… We can make sure that you have the resources you need to do your job.”

Obama pledged to triple the amount of military hardware available to police departments through the Defense Logistics Agency 1033 Program.

“Terrorism and anti-police factions have created a climate of fear. America’s Police Heroes need to be properly equipped. We will bring the fight to them.”

banner-libraryUnder conditions of anonymity, a presidential aide disclosed that the Executive Order will also include a provision to criminalize any degrading reference made to Police Heroes. In theory, this will prevent Police Heroes from being disrespected, thus improving safety for law-abiding citizens.

Upon learning of the pending Executive Order, Al Payne, Jr., head of the Fraternal Order of Police, shared the following via his Twitter account:

“It’s about time that America’s Police Heroes were recognized. After all, we’re all that stands between civilization & the terrors of anarchy.”

.

If it didn’t already dawn on you, yes, this article is satirical.

EPN

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Pete Eyre

Pete Eyre is co-founder of CopBlock.org. As an advocate of peaceful, consensual interactions, he seeks to inject a message of complete liberty and self-government into the conversation of police accountability.

Eyre went to undergrad and grad school for law enforcement, then spent time in DC as an intern at the Cato Institute, a Koch Fellow at the Drug Policy Alliance, Directer of Campus Outreach at the Institute for Humane Studies, Crasher-in-Chief at Bureaucrash, and as a contractor for the Future of Freedom Foundation.

In 2009 he left the belly of the beast and hit the road with Motorhome Diaries and later co-founded Liberty On Tour. He spent time in New Hampshire home, and was involved with Free Keene, the Free State Project and The Daily Decrypt.

  • keepitreal

    He didn’t promise to triple anything. In fact, it is the exact opposite –

    http://www.kxly.com/news/spokane-news/obama-executive-order-restricts-police-use-of-military-surplus-hardware/33092254

    He is prohibiting a lot of it from their use.

    And as far as the heroes thing, where the fuck is that coming from? Somebody making some shit up? He said nothing about issuing any such order.

  • Hater

    Which parody site did this come from? Oh yeah, copblock….

  • Zlatko Skuljan

    Yea stinks of a bad joke

  • JC

    Of course Pete gets it wrong as usual. The “Police heroes”, are for those who have given their lives in the line of duty. Obama has also pledge a cut in equipment the police can’t have.

  • t

    Put the bong down and step away

  • Shawn

    Satire

  • Shawn

    “”Police heroes”, are for those who have given their lives in the line of duty.”

    How and why a person, even normal citizens, risks their lives determines if it is heroic.

    The act of simply being killed is not heroic. A prime example is a cop in TX that decided to sway a guy when there was no reason.
    Because he surprised a home owner, who surrendered upon realizing it was cops, the guy shot him as he crashed through the door.
    He wasn’t a hero. He was a thrill seeking but that let his stupidity get him killed.

  • keepitreal

    “Obama has also pledge a cut in equipment the police can’t have.” LOL. Are you really that stupid? Really????? How do you even remember to breathe regularly? Freaking 3rd grade drop out. Well, that does clarify why you would actually think anybody believes your horseshit.

  • keepitreal

    Possibly, I guess I didn’t look at it from that angle.

  • Standard equipment now that they are pulling the military gear.

  • Either I missed this when I read the article half-an-hour ago, or this has been added since. I’m glad it’s there either way. “If it didn’t already dawn on you, yes, this article is satirical.” Trust in copblock.org’s article veracity enough by now to want to comment wtf? Copblock.org isn’t known for its satirical stories, and this is good enough to fool, like it did me. Glad my knee was busy, I could have sounded like a jerk very easily. See what I did there? knee…jerk…. See how easy it is? I don’t get caught up very often…once that I know of…shared ‘inaccurate’ story by not checking easily available main sources for verification. Commenting is one thing, sharing it w/out qualifying doubt would be irresponsible of me. I don’t like it when FOX, or not-so-breitbart, or Brian William’s editors, or WorldNutsDaily do it either.

  • upsidedowndenver

    Police Heroes = Police Zeroes

  • Hater

    You didn’t miss anything. It wasn’t there earlier. That would be Pete’s attempt to whip his fringe lunatics into a lather. Which isn’t hard to do.

  • bdj1

    Sad thing is….it sounds like something these terrorists would attempt.

  • hector

    Hmmmm…..and i suppose anyone who is now and may be in the future a victim or victims of police abbuse or brutality will go from being “suspects” to “worthless dirt bags” right?….
    “Heros or legends in their own mind”….

  • Shawn

    It was at the bottom of the article. Mind you, cops and Obama are that arrogant. The problem with this kind of satire is that people no longer put it past them.

  • JC

    Police are heroes. Officers have put their lives on the line and given their lives in the line of duty. Obviously you don’t know what honor means.

  • Guest

    Hahahaha! Put that in the file you and JC supposedly started on me you spelling deficient troll face, t. ….ROFLMAO!

  • Guest

    There is that word…JC loves it to death…”obviously”…..well, “obviously” JC does not know what respect means, either…Shawn has it right. Anyway, this article is satire….no one in their right mind (“OBVIOUSLY” that includes a few on here, right JC?) would call ALL police a “hero”….

  • Guest

    No..the Onion, you fool…

  • Hater

    Link?

  • Guest

    Google can be your friend……

  • Hater

    So, no link?

  • Guest

    You a non-working food stamp sucking want all the freebies you can get kind of fool? I’ve done enough work for one day, I am here to have fun not argue with a dingbat. Look it up yourself. I am not your slave and am not here to provide information. That is why you have a computer…..

  • Hater

    I get it. You post shit with nothing to back it up.

  • Guest

    No…..thing is, you’re just a lazy fuck, basically. It was a joke , asshole. Like I said to JC before…if you have a problem and want a link…find it your own damn self. When I have something serious to say, you better be damn sure I will have a link to back it up…and STILL will not provide it to lazy people. If someone is TRULY interested, without being a high falutin scumbag, I may help direct you to it , however, I refuse to do all the work for you. You do not learn research that way. “I want a link, I want a link”…shit…ya’all sound like little kids……sheeshh…

  • Guest

    It was a satire article, so I was using satire to respond to your comment….get it now, shithead? Damn , people are so foolish….

  • Hater

    That was a whole lot of blah, blah, blah.

  • Hater

    Yeah. You are quickly proving that.

  • Defender_of_the_Underdogs

    I thought you got this info from the Onion or something because that doesn’t sound like anything Pres O would do. maybe the right-wing loony’s currently running for that job, but no the pres we have in office now. (Thank goodness!)

  • Guest

    HA! It worked though, didn’t it? You read it.

  • Guest

    I know I am. You look so foolish now ….”got a link?”…..pfffftttt….Hater, you’re making true haters look bad… get off your high horse and crack a smile because I sure got one over on you! ROFLMAO! (feeding the trolls now……)

  • keepitreal

    LOL, funny a racist coward like you would call others names. And somebody as virulently racist as you are is way beyond the lunatic fringe, in terms of mental instability.

  • Guest

    What, is Barak going nuts? Time to leave office before he turns into another Reagan at the end of his term

  • flo Jonic

    Satire is supposed to be funny. This isn’t. And lots of people think it’s real.

  • Shawn

    Honor is about one’s character. How one does things in life. You know, telling the truth, rather than lying in a police report and on the stand like cops do.

    as for

    “Officers have put their lives on the line and given their lives in the line of duty.”

    First, how many cops get killed in any year? Not many. LE isn’t even in the top ten, so stuff the dangerous selfless service nonsense. LE is none of that. And lots of people die doing their jobs. That doesn’t make a person a hero. Or are you going to call store clerks who get killed so you can buy your slurpy at 2am a hero too?

    Cops are not in it for serving others, or honorable intentions. They are after the pay check and the bennies. They have no problem with being dishonest, or with others being dishonest. If you think LE is full of saints, you’re deluded.

  • Brandon G

    You know shit is bad when you read a satirical article and actually buy it until you read the last sentence. It’s sad that I wouldn’t of put this past our sorry excuse for a president.

  • yourtoonosey

    Lot’s of people are completely clueless as to how government in general works. Particularly about how Executive Orders work. This is beyond that scope, in practicality. Any EO of this type should rightly get chewed up in Judicial Review and wouldn’t likely even make it through the Legislative Process.

    Aside from all that, I’m not sure this is a useful thing for CopBlock to take part in because they are NOT known to be nor are they perceived to be a satirical site. Combine those 2 things with a gut reaction and people will basically be flipping out for no reason.

    Also, as far as satire goes, it’s pretty weak. It’s neither so outlandishly stupid as to be immediately obvious as satire, nor is it dripping with sarcasm announcing the same. It’s close enough to the dictatorial approach of the federal governments long standing MO to sound possible, given the other factors. All in all, I think they’d be wise to pull this and just say it was a joke that flopped badly and move on.

  • Scipio

    Copblock you guys suck, stay factual. You lose any standing amongst educated people if we have to sort out what is tabloid shit and what is independent reporting. Write about his blatant lie on the militarization agenda, get quotes and do some investigative journalism. This crap looks like the muppet show

  • Scipio

    i bought it at first to be honest, nothing surprises me

  • Ed

    1.There is a group of people that get paid with stolen money to prey on people.
    2. There is a group of people who do everything in their power to expose and interrupt people that get paid with stolen money to prey on people.
    Since heroes and cowards are opposites, which group is full of cowards? Which group is full of heroes?

  • JC

    Those are all your opinions. Obama recognizes the officers who gave their lives to save others. There is a site that honors fallen firefighters, and EMS. They are heroes as well. They gave their lives to save others. It sounds like you are jealous.

  • Jake Ryan

    I was wondering why the frisbee was getting closer, then it hit me!

  • InalienableWrights

    In Obama’s Orwellian world the people that violate our rights are “hero’s”…. regardless of this being satitre

  • Rothbardian Slip

    No one is jealous of parasites.

  • TotallyRandomName

    I feel really, really bad for anyone dumb enough to fall for this. Your hatred for Obama must be so deep that you’ll believe anything you read about him.