Whitehouse Police Department Goes Full Jerry Springer

Jerry Springer Police Whitehouse

The Whitehouse, Texas police department recently displayed some full on Jerry Springer style antics that included drunkenness, inappropriate sexual advances and a good ol’ Texas style ass-beating. Adjust your saddle and sharpen your spurs, cause this rodeo is about to get funky.

On May 14, City Manager Kevin Huckabee, Police Chief Craig Shelton and an unknown third person got totally shit-faced together. At some point, they decided it would be a super good idea to go visit the recently separated wife of a Whitehouse PD officer, Jessica Johnson. So, the three of them rolled dirty to her house in a cruiser with the drunken police chief behind the wheel.

Square-bannerOnce the party warriors got over to her house, Shelton lured the young woman away under the guise of discussing her ex-husband with her. Once the two were alone, Chief PartyCreep began making sexual advances and no-no touches, even after he was initially asked to stop. He did stop shortly thereafter, apologized and left.

The city manager ended up back at city hall, where officers suspicious of his drunken behavior began filming him, just in case.

Meanwhile, Craig ‘Third Leg’ Shelton went home and slipped out of his uniform and into something more comfy. After a good dousing in Axe Body Spray, he decided to return to Jessica’s home. What he didn’t know was that she had already informed her ex-husband, Officer Shawn Johnson, of his grody behavior. He was with her when Shelton arrived.

Rock 'em, Sock 'em Lawbots
Rock ’em, Sock ’em Lawbots

What happened next was an epic ass-kicking of the chief by one of his officers. The brouhaha drew a large crowd of police spectators. After the beatdown, Shelton attempted to text Shawn Johnson, threatening his job. Alcohol and an ass kicking can be disorientating, however, and Shelton sent the text to a large portion of his police force. Oops!

Shelton then suspended Johnson and two other officers who reported the incident to the Texas Rangers. Shortly after, City Manager Mike Huckabee added himself and Shelton to the list of suspensions, pending further action by the city council and a full investigation. Shelton faces charges of Class A Misdemeanor Assault and charges related to his inebriated joyride in a police cruiser. It is unlikely that he will face charges for being a sexually predatory creep, because he is a police chief and thus immune to any of the more serious consequences provoked by enforcement of the law that citizens would face.

Final Thought: Harken up, ye party people! If you wanna get seriously greasy and get away with it, become a police officer. Then you can get jiggy like only a piggy can. Till next time, take care of yourselves and each other.

Alia Atreides

Hi, my name is Trevor. Thanks for reading!