CopBlock to Call It Quits: We Were Just In It For The Money

As you may have been hearing around the internets recently, we at CopBlock.org are just in it for the money. For the last few weeks we have been busy trying to cover this up, but this morning, as I was having mimosas on my yacht, I began to have second thoughts. I immediately called the swanky mansions of the other editors and had their servants put me through for a little talk. As I spoke to them on my platinum-plated iPhone10 (not available to the regular public) I was plagued by the feeling that perhaps it was time to call it a day and head off to Switzerland to live off our massive cash stockpiles.

CopBlock Cat lurvs tha cashiz!
CopBlock Cat lurvs tha cashiz!

“Listen guys, the jig is up. The truth is out and we cannot hold it back any longer. Our money cow has soured and it’s time to take our millions and cash out.”

At first they protested. Then I showed them articles from websites like The Free Load Project, The Ante-Up Media and The Fifth Gollum, and they immediately decided to concede.

“If other websites make unfounded accusations about us, it doesn’t matter if they are false. It became true the moment somebody wrote it on the internet.”

“I agree. Since it is obvious that none of us ever really cared about fighting the police state or spreading that message thingy about the extra badges and rights, there is not much point in going on.”

“I think I am going to start an anti-band teacher website next. You guys in?”

“Fuck yeah!” they echoed, and together we all blurted out our trademark- “Cha-Ching!”

So that’s it, guys. Next week the movers are coming to our penthouse office suite to remove all the snow leopard upholstered furniture and gold plated office supplies and the massive server stacks we have to cool manually with Indonesian children waving paper fans. Even our staffed wet bar and basketball court sized jacuzzi…gone.

The CopBlock.org daycare center is free for all employees.
The CopBlock.org daycare center is free for all employees.

We will be selling the social media sites, domain name and content to Coca Cola, who will continue on in the proud tradition we created of making massive profits from shamelessly harassing and mocking Police Heroes, who never really deserved even the smallest criticisms we made of them. We are still uncertain if they will allow our affiliate websites to continue using our social media to draw in our readers and all of the income that brings them, but thats not really our problem. To be honest, once those checks are signed, we don’t really care what happens.

“You know, despite all of this, you really have to respect websites and activists who use the popularity of other websites to create drama and draw an audience which boosts their ad revenues.”

“Yeah, they are SOOO dreamy.”

“And using an unfortunate situation between two individuals as a way of getting vengeance for unrelated grievances and grudges you have held against one of those individuals, by slandering the entire organization they belong to, is a super smart thing to do.”

We do this every morning and broadcast it on televisions in the lobby window so the homeless can watch.
We do this every morning and broadcast it on televisions in the lobby window so the homeless can watch.

“It’s ethically delicious!”

“We should do the exact same thing at BanBand.org.”

“Totally!”

“CHA-CHING!”

 

 

 


 

Just Joshin’ y’all! We are not going anywhere. We plan to stay right here doing what we are passionate about. If this was all about getting paid, we could all have easily doubled our CopBlock.org income by spending the endless hours we put into doing it taking orders at a drive-thru instead. We are here because the message that ‘Badges Don’t Grant Extra Rights’ is something we eat, breath and sleep.

Don’t believe everything you read on the internet. Not even here. Do your own research and think for yourself. And beware of charlatans who would manipulate you using your good intentions and a bad situation to get publicity and turn a profit.

click banner to learn how you can help spread the message!
click banner to learn how you can help spread the message!

And thank you all, because without you we are just empty words on a glowing screen. We are grateful and humbled by your continued support and helping us to spread our message far and wide. We hope you will continue your support for years to come, or until hopefully, the police state breaks down and we replace it with sensible and peaceful paradigms.

When there is no more police state we will be overjoyed to throw in our hat and take on the next scourge to human decency- High School Marching Bands and the crooked educators who lead them!

 

EPN

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Alia Atreides

Hi, my name is Trevor. Thanks for reading!