Mr. Checkpoint had just finished a meal in a Beverly Hills restaurant when he noticed a couple of parking meters in front of the restaurant that were about to expire. His pulse started racing as he reached into his pockets. The cool touch of the round metal plugs were comforting in his clammy palm. He jingled them as he planned his approach. After a minutes hesitation Mr. Checkpoint leapt upon one of the meters and without consent penetrated the slot with a round metal object. Thankfully for everyone present, the great and powerful officer Lomeli, was on the present and able to prevent things from escalating further.
Lomeli being the heroic agent of enforcement that he is, came to aid of the violated meters and in a harsh tone lashed out at Mr. Checkpoint, reminding him that it was a misdemeanor to force yourself on someone else’s meter.
With no regard for the words spoken by the all-knowing agent of enforcement, Mr. Checkpoint inserted multiple round metal objects into a neighboring meter. In under two minutes this serial abuser penetrated the slots of two strange meters, never once asking for consent and ridiculing the only person brave enough to intervene.
Fearing for his safety as Mr. Checkpoint was acting belligerent by now and threatening his life, Officer Lomeli did the only thing that could guarantee the safety of himself and the meters, he called the fucking cops. BOOM! goes the dynamite, Mr. Checkpoint moves to Mr. Checkmate just like that.
When the officer arrives, the meter maid bolts having endured enough trauma for one day. Quickly realizing that she is in the presence of a dangerous offender the officer quickly adds a thick layer of bullshit to the situation.
Undeterred by the presence of a superior enforcement agent, Mr. Checkpoint threatens to violate every meter on the block before requesting the officer make physical contact with him by pressing their torsos together and wrapping their arms around each others midsections. It’s not kosher for a member of the enforcement class to be participating in consensual physical contact with a known offender and she declines.
Be on the lookout for these violators they are lurking where ever parking meters can be found. Some have even grown so bold that they follow those unsung heroes who tend to the meters and force them to endure the forced penetration of strange slots for their entire shift. One meter maid in New Hampshire said it was worse than being deployed to Iraq.