Iowa Man Tells Cops He Will “Take A Preliminary Go Fugk Yourself Test” After Fireworks Arrest

Quinnlan R. O’Meara was celebrating Independence Day with fireworks while police persisted in harassing him, but he was not to be dissuaded because – Freedom, America and Fuck You – that’s what.

The 22 year old resident of Des Moines, Iowa is facing charges for disorderly conduct, public intoxication and using fireworks – which are illegal in the state. But he didn’t go down without a fight.

In the early morning hours of July 3rd police received a noise complaint that led them to the apartment complex where O’Meara was seen with a roman candle and a lighter. Officers confiscated his fireworks and warned him then that he would go to jail if they had to return after he admitted that it was his intention to light the firework on his front step prior to their arrival.

Shortly after leaving, the DMPD was called back to the scene where O’Meara had made good on his drunken obstinance and fired off a few fireworks in their brief absence.

During his arrest the freedom fiend told officers that he intended to light even more fireworks as soon as he was released from jail – “with a blunt in his mouth because this is America.”

When asked to take a preliminary breath test he told the officers – “that he would take a preliminary go fuck yourself test.”

paypal adThere is no word yet on whether he made good on his promise to celebrate his release with fireworks and weed, or if he thought differently about it after having sobered up.

While I must admit that I would not want to be his neighbor, I can say I enjoy his brashness and sharp tongue, and the irony of this happening the day before Independence Day. And while he may be a drunken young asshole, he also has a point. Laws and their enforcers continue to rob us of our liberties and freedoms, one by one, until one day you realize that merely enjoying your life is illegal in thousands of ways per day. Whether it’s a nice fat blunt or a sketchy roman candle from a sale table just over the Missouri border, even the simplest pleasures are regulated, taxed, fined and create eligibility for imprisonment and police bullets.

Those same laws also prevent people from being able to pop their dumbass neighbor in the jaw during a drunken night of explosive revelry. Otherwise guys like O’Meara would not feel so brave in commencing in early dawn fireworks celebrations – while the weight of those restrictions pushes him and many, many more like him into misguided rebellions that punish peaceful neighbors more than the abusive system that caused them to lash out against their cage.

There has been no word yet on the results of the preliminary go fuck yourself test.


Alia Atreides

Hi, my name is Trevor. Thanks for reading!